A friend of mine has a million one-liners that I love. This one practically defines my life lately.

How many times have you noticed your life was going well, only to sabotage it somehow? Or create mountains out of molehills?

An interesting thing about our brains is how the desire for comfort and stability can become twisted when chaos and pain was the norm for so long.

The result is that a “good” life becomes scary. We’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, always on guard, hyper vigilant. We also become hardwired to think that control gives us power, whether that control is helpful or not. So when we’re uncomfortable, we establish comfort by exerting our control of the situation by “rocking the boat” aka self sabotage.

A common thought is, “something bad is going to happen anyway, might as well be under my control.” Or “at least I have no one to blame but myself,” as if creating our own chaos is going to benefit anyone else. In reality, these are bad excuses for the subconscious desire to prove to ourselves that we aren’t worthy, as well as a maladaptive coping skill to create a false sense of security.

However, if we keep our focus on “rowing the boat” and living our lives, the opportunity to self sabotage shrinks away. When I stay busy doing the next right thing for the right reason, I’ve noticed success happens naturally. It’s a very organic, smooth process that takes time.

Where I look, I go. By focusing on my recovery and the life that I’m building, there’s no telling how far I can go.