In one of the readings in my 12 Step group, we read “Just for today, I will get a better perspective on my life.” At some meetings, you’ll hear some chime in “not yours.” It’s easy to look from the outside in. Looking inside, finding perspective among all the emotions and thoughts and ingrained self expectations… that takes time, practice, and grace.

A better perspective on my life was always given to me by my therapist. They would point out, “well xyz happened, and abc is going on, so it makes sense that you’d feel this way.” Learning to get that perspective myself …not so easy.

It’s a two-pronged challenge:

1. Commit to my well being by doing things that help me gain this perspective
2. Detach from the inner dialogue (I should, that’s bad, why me, why can’t I, if only, etc.)

My solution is SO simple, that it frustrates me. Journal. All I have to do is at the end of the day, write a quick paragraph or two of how my day went. Then, whenever I feel overwhelmed, review those entries. Voila! Perspective!

Now, is it a helpful perspective? Sometimes it’s just a rally for a pity party. Other times it might be a tool to judge myself by. However, as I practice what I’m learning in my 12 Step program, I’m learning to discern the difference and how to GIVE MYSELF A BREAK!

I heard someone say something funny in a meeting. “Expectations suck. I wish we could just remove them from our life, like an expectations-ectomy.” I chuckled, but it’s so true.

Expectations will destroy my perspective on my life in a heartbeat. To get a better perspective, I need to take it easier on myself and practice humility (aka I am human, not perfect, and that’s OK!).

Taking opinions of friends as facts will also trip me up. I rely on my friends to call me out. I’ve been very careful who I let into my “inner circle,” which are the people I talk to almost every day. My trust issues helped a lot in chosing my friends. When using or not, I’d jump into a friendship or relationship of any kind all-in, full force, and if they couldn’t hang, they weren’t meant to be in my life. In recovery, I’ve come to appreciate the initial hour long talk when something clicks just right between myself and another, followed by a gradual consistency of weekly or so check ins. If that builds into a daily thing, cool! If not, no big deal! When you’re in a 12 Step program, your choices of friends is almost endless, especially if online meetings are common. 

The best way for me, personally, to get a decent perspective on my life is to meditate on it. I take a deep breath and try to release all the swirling, churning thoughts in my mind. I try to remove myself from the storyline of my life and watch it unfold as if I were a good friend of this person in this journal. When I do this, my compassion overflows. Sometimes I feel concern, or amazement, but then sometimes I feel nothing in particular at all! And that’s ok. I’m not God. It’s impossible to see yourself from someone else’s eyes, not entirely. I will always have blind spots, but by at least practicing a gentle perspective, I can see how hard I’m working, give myself a break, commend myself, and notice patterns that aren’t helping me. It’s another tool to grow through, and one of my favorites!